Evidently "What's Facebook?" wasn't the answer he was expecting.
"I pampered my wife today. Hit her right in the face with a shitty nappy."
"I never bother listening to my answerphone messages. I figure that if it's anything important then I'll read about it in the News of the World."
"I made my girlfriends wishes come true and we got married in a castle. Although you wouldn't have thought it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around."
"Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think."
"The Mrs has just bought a pair of Meatloaf knickers...on the front it says,"I will do anything for love"...on the back it says,"But I Won't Do That!"
"All we do is argue, we need to learn to get on," my wife said. "So lets try and speak the same language from now on eh?". "Moooooooo," I replied."
"Sometimes I like to pretend that I am a dog owner by carrying a plastic bag of poo with me, everywhere I go."
"When I was at school, none of the other pupils would believe that I was Jesus Christ. So, to prove it I took the whole class home with me. As we walked up to the front door my Dad came out and shouted, "Jesus Christ, what are all these frikkin kids doing here".
"Just applied online for one of those free park anywhere you like in the uk permits - or a DHL van as they're sometimes known as..."
"So it's Fathers day this Sunday. It would have been a weekday but too many scouse dads would have wanted the day off school."
"Bloody Terrorists, spoil everything, in the good old days you would see an unattended package and think "I'm frikking having that....!"
"The problem with quotes on the internet is you can never be sure of the person who originally said it" - Winston Churchill
"I said to my wife that I wished she was more like Elvis "Let me guess, you wish I was 'a little less conversation, a little more action'?" she said "No, dead" I replied"
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